


Five times the boys found out their dad smooched Superman

by Nieri_is_a_cat



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Superman (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bruce Wayne Has Secrets, F/M, M/M, Multi, Please Do Not Leave Me Alone In The Tags, They do not stay secret for long tho, idk how to tag sorry, the boys are applying sneaking lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28612383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nieri_is_a_cat/pseuds/Nieri_is_a_cat
Summary: Bruce thinks he's being sneaky, but is he really?(idk how write summaries, sorry)
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson/Wally West, Jason Todd/Kara Zor-El, Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 5
Kudos: 188
Collections: Detective Holiday Exchange





	Five times the boys found out their dad smooched Superman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PlaudiusPlants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlaudiusPlants/gifts).



> And finally! It's done! Sophie, I hope you like this!
> 
> I wanted to say, also, that this was not the first idea I had. The first idea involved Star Trek, but that was also my downfall, sadly, because my lack of knowledge prevented me to go on with that ;;u;; It's still in my docs, tho, so maybe one day I'll write it!
> 
> Also, shout-out n.1 to my friend Liss who has been my moral support throughout this entire thing, and I mean _entire_. Without her, I have no idea where this would be, honestly. Love you <333
> 
> Shout-out n.2 to Abel who was so nice to beta this and also suffer through my dms! Thankies Abel, love ya bb <333
> 
> Nieri :)

1.

Jason blinked. Then he blinked again. Slowly he turned towards Kara, sitting next to him, who had the exact same expression of disbelief and incredulity. 

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

The girl nodded, “I-  _ yes _ .”

“That’s Clark.”

“And that’s Bruce.”

They looked at each other, and, almost at the same time, they both exclaimed, “What the fuck is going on here?”

The two of them had been happily oblivious to the world, just enjoying their date - secret, because who wanted to hear from the bad Bat or fucking boyscout Superman about sex safety?  _ Ew, no thank you. _ \- in a café in Central because the Flash was nice and the city was far safer than any other around. They had expected a relatively quiet, uneventful, enjoyable date in a small, nice café,  _ not _ a flustered Bruce Wayne in  _ depressed college student clothing _ \- 

“Since when does he wear  _ eyeliner _ ? And are those  _ Dick’s emo phase jeans? _ ” 

“Shhh I’m trying to listen to what they’re saying!” 

“But he’s wearing  _ lip gloss _ , Kara!  _ Red lip gloss! _ Does Alfred even know he’s out there like that?!”

\- and farmboy Clark Kent in full regalia with a plaid shirt, a jean jacket and jeans, sitting  _ a tad too close _ to each other for it to be anything other than  _ flirting. _

At one point, Kara had simulated gagging, and Jason couldn’t fault her, because even if he couldn’t hear what they were saying, he could still see perfectly. And they were kissing. Jesus Christ, they were kissing. Blushing-schoolgirl-first-kiss kissing.  _ Blushing-schoolgirl-first-kiss kissing, oh my God. _ What was happening? Did they move to a completely different universe while they weren’t looking?

No, because it looked like they had. It just wasn’t  _ possible _ . Maybe they were under a spell? For Bruce to go out dressed like that, and for him to be  _ making out with Superman _ , something must’ve happened. It didn’t make sense otherwise! 

Next to him, Kara sighed, then turned towards him, a pout already showing.

"You know what I think?" She asked, and it was quite obvious she wasn't expecting an answer, "I think that my cousin is far more romantic than you are, and that I  _ really _ would like a romantic date, next time; since this one has been spent spying on Batman and Superman behaving like the protagonists of a teenage school drama!" 

"Mmh…" Jason acknowledged as he looped an arm around her shoulders. "Do you have anything in mind or should I surprise you, angel?" 

Kara grinned, "Surprise me, doll!"

  
  
  


2.

Tim was happily waiting with his boyfriend - more like he was waiting  _ while plastered against _ his boyfriend's chest - for the queue at the cinema to move on, when the two people in the front who had just finished paying walked to the entrance, and well. Neither Tim nor Conner, from the glance he'd given him, had expected Clark Kent to have the gut to stroll around in public with an arm around Bruce Wayne's waist while sporting a black leather jacket, black jeans, white shirt and greased back hair in a display of what could only be called  _ Grease nostalgia _ . Grease as in Grease the musical with John Travolta Grease. 

“That’s weird.” 

“No shit! And they even went to the romantic one!” 

“The romantic one? Isn’t that a sci-fi thriller?” 

“Yes, but it’s got a romantic subplot that really should’ve made it as the main plot! The two main leads had a forced enemies to lovers, yanno, and the directors should’ve put the friend and her boyfriend as the protagonists!”

“Dude, did you already see that movie?” 

Conner shrugged, leaning his head on Tim’s, “When I was at Lois’s two weeks ago it was on tv and she wanted to see it.”

“Ah.” After a second, Tim grinned mischievously, “Want to know what they’re up to?” 

A pause. Silence. And then.

“Sure. Let’s go!” 

When they finally entered the theatre, Conner spotted them first and pointed them to Tim, who was moving to their seats.

“There,” he said, “a few rows over the middle hallway, on the left.” 

Unfortunately, their seats were on the other side of the hall, but at least they were closer to the end rows and could still somewhat keep an eye on Bruce and Clark. 

When for the first 20 minutes nothing happened, both Conner and Tim resolved to just watch the movie which was, in Tim’s humble opinion, ridiculously funny and had him chuckling at almost each scene.

“This movie is hilarious and that’s definitely  _ not _ how you carry out an investigation!”

“Aww, c’mon babe, it’s space!” And then, “Do I need to make you keep quiet? Because people are giving you glares. I’m up for it, yanno?” Conner winked and Tim blushed slightly because yes, Conner still had him blushing like the very first time Tim had seen him and realized, “ _ Oh shit, I like guys! _ ”

And then, just before Conner leaned in to kiss him, out of the corner of his eye, Tim saw Bruce slide on Clark’s lap and go straight for the mouth. 

“They’re  _ kissing. _ ”

“More like a full make out session.”

Conner had his same tone of disbelief, and Tim couldn’t fault him, because who would’ve expected Batman making out with Superman while at the movies and in front of at least three dozen people?

“ _ Have they no shame? _ ” 

“I am very suddenly in need of fresh air, let’s go?” And in a moment they were both standing up and making their way out of the cinema. Neither of them could bear their  _ fathers _ making out like  _ that _ in public.

“Next time we’re on a movie date we make sure they’re not in our general vicinity.”

“Deal.”

  
  


3.

Cass smiled sweetly at Clark. The man was in the manor’s living room, waiting for Bruce, and it had been Cass who had invited him in, since Alfred was out for food shopping. There were only the three of them at home: Tim was out camping with his friends, Jason was on a mission in Guatemala with the Outlaws and Dick was working on a case in Blüdhaven. Damian, unfortunately, still had school to attend and was currently in class. 

“So,” he started, “uh... How are you?” 

He was nervous, she could tell. Good. He needed to be nervous around her. So yes, Cass smiled sweetly and nodded at him. Clark shuddered ever so slightly. Cass’s smile widened. 

“Good.” Was her laconic answer. 

“Uh... uhm...” And then, after a beat, “Uh… do you- do you know when Bruce will be ready?”

“A while.”

“In a while uh... Okay...” 

He was getting restless, if the constant bouncing of his left leg was of any indication. Cass just stared at him, focused, and didn’t that do wonders for Clark’s nervousness? 

“Hey, Cass?” 

She tilted her head towards him, and Clark kept going, “Is this the moment you tell me not to hurt him or you’ll hurt me?”

Oh? 

“No.”

The man visibly relaxed, but Cass was not finished. She smiled once more, all honey and sugar, but she knew Clark would get the  _ nuances. _

“No talk.  _ Action. _ ” 

And when his breath hitched and the bouncing leg stopped, she knew he had understood.  _ Nuances. _

Bruce walked in right that moment. He must’ve picked up on the tension, because he asked, “Is there a problem?” 

Clark shook his head, still definitely nervous, and Cass copied him, smile still in its place. 

“All good.”

Bruce smiled at her, and Cass beamed, then he turned to Clark.

“Did you wait for long?” 

“No, don’t worry.” Clark managed a smile too, and Bruce grinned. Then he turned back to Cass once more. Business-like. 

“Cassie, dear, could you please avoid telling your brothers about this ?” 

Cass nodded. Then she held her hand out, waiting. There was a flash of conflict passing on Bruce’s face, but then he just grabbed something from one of his pant pockets and then handed her a card.

“Here’s the credit card.” He sighed.

Cass still held out her hand, and Bruce went back to search his pockets for something else.

“I have a uh... Chocolate bar?”

Finally Cass snatched her hand back and nodded.

“Have fun!”

  
  


4.

Dick was with Wally in Central, when Tim’s cryptic message arrived. Well, cryptic with the meaning that his little brother gave him no context whatsoever, just two bare string sentences. 

_ follo wbruce. wont disapoin.t _

And well, Dick had always been a curious soul, so he could be forgiven if he squeezed Wally’s hand and told him “New plan, let’s go!”

Wally, the best ever, had just smiled at him and said, “Sure, where?”

Dick had shrugged, smiling, “I don’t know yet, but we gotta follow Bruce. Timmy said it would be entertaining.”

As it was, a few minutes later Wally let out a celebratory  _ whoop _ and showed Dick his phone. Twitter was open, and well, the first result in the search bar was ‘ _ Bruce Wayne date _ ’. Sweet. And then.

“ _ Wait a second _ . He’s in  _ Vegas? With a date? _ ” 

Wally nodded, “Did you know he has a fiancee, apparently?” 

Dick shrugged helplessly and Wally continued, “According to this dude on twitter, Bruce Wayne has been spotted in the company of a tall, black haired man, and according to this other girl, he’s been seen kissing that same man. Twitter is going wild over this! There are even  _ conspiracy theories, _ babe!” 

Well, now they really did need to go to Vegas, didn’t they? 

“We really need to go seeing what’s happening, don’t we?” Dick grinned and Wally grinned back. 

Wally’s eyes went back to the screen for a second and then he held out his arms. “Twitter agrees they’re still in Vegas, hop in!” 

It didn’t take much time for them to arrive in Las Vegas, more than Wally alone would’ve taken, but hey! Fiancees that can’t resist the speed of light need to be protected! 

They’d been there just a few minutes, Wally hadn’t even gone exploring but instead had whipped out his phone once more to check Twitter.

He and Dick were both looking at their phones intently, when something pulled Wally’s eyes and he smacked Dick’s arm.  _ Hard _ . 

“Dick.  _ Dick. _ ”

“Uh?”

“ _ You won’t believe this. _ ”

Dick’s eyes were instantly on him, “Try me.”

At that Wally burst out laughing, shaking so much it was actually hard getting his phone. Dick tilted his head, then finally looked at the twitter thread Wally had been reading. He blinked. He blinked once more. Then he started cackling hysterically. On the screen, in capital letters stood a tweet that said ‘ _ BRUCE WAYNE IS DATING BATMAN AND THEY’RE ELOPING proof in the thread _ ’. It had been posted only a few minutes before they’d reached Vegas. 

It had taken a while for them both to calm down, but when they finally did, they both set on searching Bruce, because really,  _ they needed to find out this Batman fiancee. _

According to Twitter, they had been sighted at  _ L’Atelier De Joël Robuchon _ , a high-end restaurant, so that was where he and Wally had been staking out. 

And then, finally, Bruce Wayne got out of there. Arm in arm with a black coat-clad Clark Kent. Lovingly kissing Bruce on the forehead. Lovingly kissing Bruce  _ lower _ than the forehead.

“ _ Oh. My. God. _ ”




Somehow, for some reason, Jon wasn’t bouncing on his legs like an hyperactive puppy like he usually did. It was…  _ upsetting _ , in a way, and Damian couldn’t help how his eyes narrowed.

Instead, he was intently listening to something, or maybe someone, Damian couldn’t tell. But he could tell that father was taking too much time, and he didn’t know why. It was irritating. They had patrol tonight. They couldn’t be late.

He and Jon had been left outside the Batcave entrance to wait for their respective fathers and well, Jon, the ever-restless puppy had grabbed Damian’s wrist and literally dragged him to the garden. 

“I gotta talk to you!” The boy had told him, and Damian would lie if he said he hadn’t been intrigued. Not that he’d ever tell Jon.

“About what?”

Jon had leaned in closer, and put a hand next to Damian’s ear. “My dad,” he whispered, “has been like, behaving like crazy for the past like, three months or so.”

“And? I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

Jon had gasped, quite dramatically, if Damian had to say, and leaned in even closer. “It’s got to do with your dad!”

_ That _ caught Damian’s attention. He definitely did not expect this. But then, well, father had been his normal self these past few months, and if  _ Damian _ hadn’t seen anything, then probably nothing had happened.

“I believe you are wrong, father hasn’t been acting out of his way recently.”

That had been the end of their conversation, and since then Jon had been quiet, but now he was straining his neck towards the manor. Or the batcave. 

“Kent you’re giving me a headache, just speak up. What’s going on?”

Jon had turned towards him, then, on his face, in his eyes, the purest confusion. “I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s... weird.”

Damian’s left brow raised to new heights. “Weird  _ how _ ?”

“No idea, dude, it’s just weird! The sounds are weird, like I don’t know,  _ weird _ weird!”

“Your father and my father should be talking-”

“It’s not talking, I’m telling you! We gotta go see what’s happening!” 

And well, who was Damian to tell no to snooping?

They went back to the Manor, sneaking in unseen, then quietly went to father’s study and took the stairs, Jon holding Damian and hovering a few inches off the ground for maximum silence. 

Father, fully dressed as Batman, was kissing Kent. And not a friendly kiss on the cheek or some other mild form of affection friends might engage in.  _ No _ . Father was kissing the alien like he had seen him kiss Kyle. 

“Let’s go back to the garden.” He said through gritted teeth. “This is their personal business.” A business he had every intention to end as soon and quickly as possible.

“But Dami! They’re  _ kissing! _ ” 

“Which is why we can’t be around here when they finally remember we exist, Kent. Now let’s go back to the garden.”

And back in the garden, Damian could be forgiven if he ignored Jon’s babbling in favour of extensive plotting. 

+1

“I think,” Clark said, “that we should tell our families and make this official.”

He and Bruce were at Clark’s apartment, at the moment, void of any children, since both Jon and Kon were at Lois’s, and they were cuddling - miraculously! For once Bruce had let Clark hug him into oblivion - on the sofa, the low buzz of the tv, now forgotten, filling the room with some needed background noise. 

“Mmhh? Wouldn't it be better to wait this out some more? The media vultures are already having a banquet as it is.”

Clark tightened his arms around Bruce, and stopped to think once more. It was true, Bruce was right. The media was already going wild with all kinds of theories and adding more meat to the fire was probably not a good idea.

But then again, Clark’s ex-girlfriend  _ was _ one of the very best journalists to ever grace this Earth and she could very well cover the story. 

“Lois could do it.” He said finally, “She’s good and knows both of us well. She’d do us justice.” 

“Mmhh...” Bruce nodded, sounding half asleep, for some reason, “She would. And Clark.”

“Yeah?”

“The children already know. Yours included.”

“I’m sorry,  _ what? _ Who told them?”

“I don’t think it was Cass, but their group chat is blowing up with theories and memes. It’s... worrying, honestly…”

“We could call them and ask? I mean, they already know, so it’s only fair we know how they found out, right?”

Bruce nodded thoughtfully, then got up. “Let’s call the kids!”

Clark scrambled to follow him.

Not even 5 minutes later they were both back on the sofa with their phones out and a bunch of mostly screaming teenagers on screen. 

“SO I WAS RIGHT!”

“I  _ knew  _ it!”

“Father I demand an explanation!” 

“Clark, did you two kiss in front of Jon? Not cool! He’s baby!”

“I’m  _ what _ -”

“Recind your comment!”

“Please can you all stay quiet? We need to talk!” 

The yelling continued. 

“Children shut up!”

No response, only chaos. Bruce sighed, and Clark couldn’t fault him. He was quickly regretting calling them. In the end, only Cass’s intervention could make the boys shut up and  _ stay _ silent. 

Clark smiled at them, then spoke. “Yes, we are together and yes, we wou-”

“How did you all find out? Not you, Cass. You’re an angel.” 

“Well,” Dick spoke first, “I found out thanks to Timmy. Oh, and Twitter. Did you know people think you’ve eloped with Batman?”

Clark and Bruce exchanged a confused look, and Clark decided to prod for some more info, “But I  _ am _ with Batman?”

And to their surprise, Dick laughed. “Not  _ you. _ ” He’d added in between the tears.

To say that they were both dumbfounded at the revelation that apparently Bruce had eloped with  _ himself _ , was an understatement. Clark dared a small chuckle, but that was choked immediately when Bruce glared at him.

“Uhm...” Clark cleared his voice, “And the rest of you?”

“Me and Kara saw you at that café in Central. Needless to say,  _ Bruce _ , that the depressed college student isn’t really your best outfit.” Jason had a mischievous gleam in his eyes, and Kara’s grin was worrying. Wait. Kara was with Jason?

“ _ What are you doing at Wayne manor, Kara? _ ”

The girl in question shrugged, “Having fun, Clark. Even though apparently you know better than the rest of us about how to have fun.” And then she  _ winked. _ Clark felt like he was dying. 

“By the way, Clark!” Kon gleefully interjected, “ _ The Nebula Project _ is a stupid movie and if you want to make out last row is better!” 

“Really, Bruce! I expected a better taste in movies, from you!” Tim nodded solemnly. 

“Jon?” Clark’s tone was almost pleading. 

“Saw you two kiss in the batcave! It was embarrassing.” 

“Oh, wait!” Dick chimed in before he or Bruce could say anything. “When’s the wedding?” 

  
Bruce sighed and Clark literally hid his face in a pillow, laughter echoing in the room. And Clark thought that maybe,  _ maybe _ , this wouldn’t be so terrible.

**Author's Note:**

> The author loves to chat in the comments. Only positive criticism will be accepted. Please tell me what you think :)
> 
> Wow, that has been hard and _tiring_. Anyway, I really do love to chat in the comments, but recently my writing juice and reply to comments jam have run out, so idk when I'll reply, sorry y'all ;;u;;


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